Can you feel it? Smell it?

"...and they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces."

From Field of Dreams

Maybe it's time

Pain... gone.
Nausea... gone.
Numbness... gone.
Pit in stomach... gone.
Depths of despair... gone.
Voices... well, no more than usual.

Maybe it's time to get back in the water, get back up on the horse, go back to the ballpark. I've stayed away from anything having to do with the Cubs, and baseball for that matter, since Train Wreck - The Sequel back in October. Sorry Nike, just couldn't do it:

Off season trade updates? No.
A League of Her Own? Nope.
Goat Riders of the Apocolypse? Zip.
Spring Training box scores? Nada.
World Baseball Classic? Not interested.
Long discussions about what they need to do this year to finally make it over the top? Uhn ugh.
I did check the schedule to see when the Cubs were in San Diego. Oh, and I did pick up the 2009 Beckett's magazine at Hastings in Great Falls, but I didn't buy it. Couldn't do it.

Expectations were high last year and I think with it being 100 years since, well, you know, we allowed ourselves to get caught up in the possibility that finally our time had come. At first I wanted to find someone to blame. Lou for questionable managing during the postseason. Dempster with seven walks. Big Z. Four errors by DLee, DeRosa, Theriot and Ramirez in Game 2, three in the same inning. Soriano going 1 for 14. Fukudome. Ninety-seven win best record in the NL and second best in all of baseball. Leading since early July and almost wire-to-wire. All of the categories in which they finished first. I could list them all, but it won't change the cold, brutal truth that the Cubs found yet another way to implode. Doesn't matter, really. I don't blame them. Ultimately, I blame myself. I allowed myself to believe, again.

So on the eve of another season and as far as expectations go, I have none. Don't get me wrong, I still love baseball, still love the miserable Cubbies. I'm just entering the season with absolutely no expectations.

But maybe...

It's just a game... it's just a game...

That's what I keep repeating to myself. If you're not a Cubs fan, you just can't possibly understand. If you are, well, I don't have to tell you how it feels. Time has stopped and you're in a fog. The pit in your stomach. Nausea. Diarrhea. Tightness in your chest (hello, there's a goat sitting on it). You don't want to even think about this happening (again), and yet it's all you can think about. How can this be happening (again)? Sorry-stinking-ano. Dempster, are you kidding me? He was lights out at Wrigley. Why in the name of Ron Santo is Fukudome batting with runners at first and third with two outs? Is Sweet Lou out of his mind? Or worse, part of some sinister plot? If only DeRosa could have... or DLee didn't... or Rami...
Arrrrrrgh!

Still, I'm hopeful. I feel better than I did after Thursday's train wreck. We can do this. All we need is to win the game tonight and then do it again tomorrow. This abysmal play can't continue, we had the best record in the NL for Pete's sake. The Dodgers aren't this good. It's not so bad, teams down 0 - 2 have come back before (13% of the time). Thirteen's my lucky number. We're not out of it yet. Remember, THIS is the year. I hope we get the Red Sox in the World Series, that's who I want to beat for the Championship. That will be sweet, Caroline.